The keyword is: less.
1. Productivity: I started doing nothing. I felt guilty at first but after a while I noticed how it can surface my true inner states (anxiety, anger, sadness) so that I can deal with them.
2. Matching other people’s expectations: I stopped picking up my phone, being available 24/7. I started to say „no” at work. I disappointed many people with my choices – but that’s the cost of making my own choices.
3. Rescuing others: when someone complains – I listen. I say: „that must be very hard…” and I pause. I let others take their problems in their own hands because that makes them feel empowered. And if they don’t pick up their own problem – I’m not the one who will do it for them.
4. Pretending: that I feel okay, that it is okay, that I like something, that there is no problem and that it is not a big deal.
5. Meeting beauty standards: I stripped everything artificial (nails, makeup) and everything uncomfortable (heels, tight jeans)
6. Being independent: when I need help I call my therapist. I take ready meals, herbs and little gifts from my parents. I ask my friends and my in-laws if they can help with work in the garden. I stopped racing for the badge „I did it all by myself”
7. Controlling: this is a hard one for me. I try to plan less, live my own life and let others live theirs.
8. Biting my tongue: instead of keeping quiet and blowing up when my patience is over I react the moment I feel the twist in my stomach. It prevents me from mental breakdowns.
9. Chasing status: I resigned from a job with a fancy job title.
10. Feeding my own illusions: „only one more month in this job”; „maybe this time he will be different” ; „If I plan it all out nothing will go wrong”